( cale ) it never ends.

[trin]

"No! No! He can't be dead! He just can't be! Check again! Please, for the love of God, check again! He can't be! He can't be! He's not dead, he's not, he's not! He... He just... He can't be. Please. Please! Please!"

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Today could've been a day like no other. Caitlyn Lasson could've got up, got dressed, spooned some cornflakes into her mouth, and been ready to face the world. Yet, there was a reason for the way when she got out of bed, her bones felt so heavy, so weary. She wanted to cry, and why there was a deep feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach, mixed with the overwhelming urge to get drunk, then punch people she probably didn't even know. She sat up in bed, tears already in her eyes as she stared at the wall blankly.

I'm so sorry.

She hauled herself out of bed with a much greater effort than should've been required. Before she realised, she was dressed. It was all a blur - all of it. Caity actually only came to reality when she reached under her bed, and pulled it out. Her photoalbum. She flipped it open, and spent minutes reminicing, small smiles coming to her face every so often despite the tears that welled in her eyes.

I miss you.

She pulled out one of him, and her, grinning manically at the camera, thumbs up. Happy. Genuinely happy. How Caitlyn missed that. It wasn't like she was unhappy with Injected Hopeless. She was quite happy with them - but not as happy as she was back then.

She pulled herself up, off of the floor, and checked the clock on the wall. The florists would be open by now. She tucked the photo into her back pocket, pushing the album back under the bed gently. Until next time. She thought before straightening up and moving herself to the kitchen.

She had read something in a book once. The mother had been drinking too much, and the protaginists' elder sister had told her, She's only smoothing out the rough edges." This was why, she told herself, she was having vodka at ten in the morning. Just a small glass. Nothing that would get her well and truly wasted, no matter how much she wanted that to happen. Just smoothing out the rough edges.

I'm so, so, sorry.

She pushed the vodka bag into the cabinet - the only person that would really notice it and think it was her would be Cale anyway, and she doubted that he'd even think it were her. He wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. She rubbed her eyes, exhausted, as she stumbled out of the bus clumsily, but not particularly caring, either. She had one priority that day, and being composed was not one of them.

The florists. A large bunch of roses, poppies and tulips of various colours were bought before she headed over to the cemertry.

I bought these flowers for you. She thought as she placed the flowers over his grave, tucking the picture under the pot. She sat next to the gravestone, and began to mumble to herself. To him. Her brother.

"I remember you pulled out a rose from the rose bush in our carehome's garden once. You put it between your lips, and taught me to dance." Caitlyn laughed shakily at the memory, rubbing her eyes as a few tears fell down her cheeks. She had to finish talking, though. When she started, she just couldn't stop. "The waltz. Haha, remember? We had such fun then. Then you pulled out a tulip, and a poppy, and put it in my hair, and called me beautiful and told me we didn't need anyone else. Not mom, not dad, not anyone. We needed eachother. Together we were invinsible. And I believed that. I just needed you, Cameron."[/color]

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"Why did we have to have that fight? Why did it have to be you? I need you. I need you, Cameron. I miss you so much. So much. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry."[/color]

It was like verbal vomit. She couldn't stop, even though he couldn't come back, and wallowing in sadness wouldn't help at all. It couldn't bring him back, no matter how much she wished it would.
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[neko]

Cale woke with a start, dreading the day with a vengeance. He had received a call from his grandparents the other day, although he hadn’t heard from them in way over ten years. So this was a shock, quiet naturally. But hewas their only grandchild, and all they had left of their daughter. Not like Cale should of cared, given how his mother basically neglected him and reminded him every day on how pathetic he was. Before he was taken into care, then everything was meant to be peachy. It wasn’t, and even now, his life was a bit of a wreck. But at least he was trying to fix his mistakes and move on, unlike his mother, who, unsurprisingly died from a heroin overdose.

He couldn’t be bitter, nor did he know how to feel. This past week had been insane, given it had been six years past Thursday. That just added to everything. Rubbing his head, he got into the taxi, the his mother’s funeral, and talk to them. For one he didn’t even [i[want

[/i] to go. Or help out for that matter...Or leave Caity on her own. He was worried for her..but he felt helpless as to what to really say to her. Not when he wasn’t sure what was wrong.


Sighing, he squirmed in the taxi, feeling like a fool, wearing a clean shirt and black jacket, smart trousers, his hair pulled into a ponytail. Which made him look incredibly stupid, so he pulled it out after he had reached the cemetery. The ceremony went past very quickly, after he had reunited, albeit very awkwardly with his grandparents. It was a rather odd experience, given how he hadn’t seen his mother in a long. And now..she was dead. He did feel guilty for some reason. Maybe he could of helped..or..maybe he shouldn’t of been born in the first place. Then she wouldn’t end up here, lying in a ditch.


All Cale could feel was empty, as he watched his mother’s coffin being lowered. The whole time he was wondering why he was here in the first place. He couldn’t tell if he was upset or not..though he did feel regret, strange...and that empty feeling. It was horrible, odd, though he put that down to be stuck in a place like this. He even remembered this was where his son was buried, which added to his awkwardness.


And depressive mood. He so needed a drink after this, and he couldn’t bring himself to follow his grandparents to their house. So he made his excuses, staring at his mother’s grave for an awful long time. He didn’t speak, nor think, just stare.

He realised he had spent about an hour there, before he noted that he should get going. Not before he stopped by his sons’ grave, kneeling down and pulling out a small blue teddy from his pocket, sitting among the little collection of five. ”I’m sorry this is late, buddy, been busy” he whispered , tracing the name on the gravestone. ”Love you, happy late birthday” he smiled, probably like an idiot, but he didn’t acre at this point. He knew he had to move on...but it was difficult. He never spoke of his son, nor had he talked to his ex in a long time. But this was their mutual point. And for a couple of years, they went together. But since he had been in the band, he was finding it hard to come here as often.


Sighing, he got up..about to turn out, when he heard someone, familiar. Cale then spotted her, and trailed along cautiously. Her crying really got to him, made him feel more upset than he already was. sucking up his own grief, eh knew that there was someone else that needed him more. Crouching beside her, he wrapped his arm around her lightly. ”Caity...I’m sorry. What’s wrong? You don’t have to tell me actually” was all he could say, as he hugged her.



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TAG! caity
WORDS! idk
STATUS! complete
NOTES! this took forever, sorry

INSPIRATION! n/a
CREDITS! Template Byarro @ Caution!
LYRICS! Colorado Sunrise by 3OH!3
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[trin]

It happened everytime she was there. She just sat, cried, and lost track of time. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew that all too soon, it would be dark. She would have to return to the bus and tell them she was home. Maybe ask Cale how it had been, and try not to drink all of the alcohol there before retiring to bed. That was it: her day, the day she dreaded and feared the most out of any other day of the year. She was confident she would take her death-day over this. At least it would be, boom, shot, over. This day was just there. Looming. Waiting patiently to get her sobbing her heart out.

Her head hit her knees as her arms curled around her legs, pulling them to her chest. She tried so hard to be quiet, but the logical part of her brain doubted it. The only part, it seemed that was actually thinking properly, because all Caitlyn could hear from her thoughts was, I'm so sorry. I miss you. I'm so sorry. I miss you...

She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders, and the soft, monotonal voice of Cale Hartford was mumbling to her. Normally, Caitlyn would have pushed him away and insisted he go home, leave her to her memories and sadness. But not this time. Instead she pulled him closer, holding him tightly as she sobbed. It was selfish that she didn't think how uncomfortable this could have made him. She was sure he'd never seen her cry before. Maybe over a few silly things like getting scared, but not like this, where Caity wasn't in control at all.

She could hear herself blubbering to him. It was so weird, like she was hearing herself, but it wasn't her saying it. "Cale... I miss him so much."

[/color] Was what she'd intended to say, but it probably sounded more like, "C-C-C-Cale, I... I-I mis-miss him s-s-so much."[/color]

"Wh-Why did h-he have to di-die? I-I... I n-need him, C-Cale!"[/color] She cried, another sob running through her body. "I... H-He was all I ha-had... H-He w-was always j-just th-there. But no-now... Now he's gone. G-Gone."[/color] She paused for a minute as she began to cry again.

It occured to her that he probably didn't have the faintest clue who on earth she was talking about. She tried to compose herself, taking deep breaths. It calmed her - only slightly, but calmed her all the same. It stopped her stuttering, at least. She pointed to the gravestone. Cameron John Lasson.

"My brother."[/color]

A few more breaths. "I never told you... Any of you that I grew up in a carehome with my brother. My mom... Walked the fuck out on us and my dad just killed himself. Just like that. All I had was Cameron."[/color] Her voice shook as she struggled to compose herself - in vain. "We were invincible. We didn't need anyone else - I had him and he had me and that was it, sorted."[/color] She pulled the photo from under the flower pot and gave it to Cale to show the two grinning, thumbs up, happy. Probably happier than Cale had ever seen her. "But then... Th-Then I met you guys. An-And I got close to you guys. And me... m-m-me and Cam-Cameron... W-We had a fight. And then... Then I told him... I told him I hated him. What kind of sick bitch would do that?"[/color] Her sadness was quickly changing into anger. "Me. I would. And he left the house. In a huff. A rage. He didn't... He didn't see the car coming."

"..."

"He died instantly."[/color] Caitlyn was crying again, her hand over her mouth as she remembered finding out about this. "Died without me telling him I didn't hate him. I loved him. Love him. Died thinking I hated him. And I... I can't... Cale, I..."[/color] Was all she managed to get out before she was crying again, her head in her hands.
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[neko]

Cale didn’t know a thing about his friend’s past nor why she was upset, or had been for a couple days now. He was genuinely worried for her, as he never had siblings or anything, she was like a sister to him. And not knowing what was wrong slayed him. He felt helpless, and now, he could understand what she meant, when he wouldn’t tell her why he was so down and had been for a week or so. Right now, he was putting past all his own grief so he could be there for his friend. After all, his friends were all he really had now. And if he lost them, he wouldn’t know what to do.


There was probably not much he could really say now, nor did he have any clue. Seeing her crying , really crying, was heartbreaking. All he could do was sit there, and be there for her. He hugged her gently, wondering who she was on about. He stayed silent for the longest time, as he just held her, listening as she talked. It was horrible, to see her this upset and knowing that wasn’t much he could do. After all, you can’t bring people back from the dead, a terrible but true fact he had learnt over the years.

He knew how much she must of been hurting, as losing someone you loved was the worst pain imaginable, more so than any physical blow. He couldn’t relate fully, however, as he didn’t know what it was like to lose someone he knew and loved. His baby never got a chance to live..so he shouldn’t of been this upset, even now. Cale was ashamed to admit that seeing his son in that tiny white coffin was more heartbreaking than learning of his mother’s death.


As stupid as it sounded, he was still feeling numb about it all. Even now, as he watched Caity gaze as at the gravestone and her brother’s name engraved on it. All he did was hold her, until she finished, as it wasn’t like he could tell her to stop crying. She had to grieve, everyone did.

”I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry” was all he whispered, glancing at the picture she pulled out of her and her brother. It was something Cale himself could never really understand as he really did have no one growing up. He never knew his father, or his grandparents till about two hours ago. Cale shook his head, still holding on to her tightly.

”I wish I could say something that can take away your hurt but I know I can’t. It’s okay to grieve, you know. I know how much it hurts, it’s like having you’re heart ripped out” he grimaced, shaking away his own thoughts. ”But I’m here, okay? I’m here for you” he nodded.

”The world..it’s a cruel place, and things just happen. I don’t really understand why yet myself but it just does. It does get better..I think. It’s okay to miss him and I know for a fact he knew that you loved him. Don’t go blaming yourself, you’ll end up in a vicious cycle, i’m speaking from experience here” he whispered, though he was half rambling.

”I love you and I’m here for you, okay? I’ll just shut up now” he spoke, hugging her tightly, letting her sob onto his new suit jacket. It wasn’t like he was going to wear it again anyway.

TAG! caity
WORDS! idk
STATUS! complete
NOTES! this took forever, sorry

INSPIRATION! n/a
CREDITS! Template Byarro @ Caution!
LYRICS! Colorado Sunrise by 3OH!3

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[trin]

It all felt so surreal. Let alone the fact her brother was dead, she knew that if she was only a little bit stronger this scenario would be entirely different: she'd be pushing him away or walking away herself, and what would follow would be complete ignorance of his existance until he got the message: she didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to tell him. But it wasn't like that; it was quite the opposite. She held onto him tightly as if her life depended on it, crying her heart out. Another reason it felt so weird: Caitlyn rarely cried and if she did, she tried hard not to infront of her bandmates - yet here she was, sobbing on Cale wildly, in absolutely no intention of stopping.

She could hear her friend apologising. She didn't know what for. It wasn't his fault, was it? Wasn't his fault she was the worst sister that anyone could ever wish for. Wasn't his fault she felt like absolute crap. Nope. It was her fault, and hers solely. At least, that's how she felt about the subject. Cale shouldn't take pity on her, should he? She should've just told him to go home.

She managed to shut up long enough to hear him talk about how much it hurt, and oh, Caity found it incredibly true. Losing someone she cherished that much was so... so... It was much worse than getting beaten up, or getting into any physical pain. At least then you could get batter. But now it was like Caitlyn's heart was literally aching, and she didn't know if this type of thing was something you could actually recover from, as melodramatic and pessimistic as that sounded.

"I... I know."

[/color] She whispered in repsonse to him telling her he was there for her. And she did know that, and for that she loved him so much. He was a good person, no matter what he or anyone else thought. "I'm h-here for you too." Caity added, almost as an afterthought. He'd just said he knew how it felt, right? He shouldn't. Not Cale -- he simply didn't deserve to go through... this.

”The world..it’s a cruel place, and things just happen. I don’t really understand why yet myself but it just does. It does get better..I think. It’s okay to miss him and I know for a fact he knew that you loved him. Don’t go blaming yourself, you’ll end up in a vicious cycle, i’m speaking from experience here”

This sent Caity into tears again. She bit her lip as they streamed down her face, still clinging onto him, trying not to let them make her shake more than she already was. Not only the fact that this was happening, also the fact that Cale was speaking from experience - it saddened her so much that she felt the need to pull away and look up at him. "Cale, I... I'm s-sorry. I'm s-sorry you had to... to ex-experience it." She was holding him tightly again. "I'm so sorry. So sorry.. So sorry. I love you too. I'm here for you. I'm sorry."[/color]
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