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Post by annie on Dec 12, 2011 15:24:19 GMT
 if anyone simply took a single look at delphine, they would have never thought that hospitals were one of her main phobias in life. in fact, they most likely would have thought that she would have wanted to end up there, not as a patient, of course, but as a doctor. she had always had the look of that smart girl in school who simply was intelligent enough to have the highest grades in all of her classes and manage to go to university to become a doctor who could have cured pretty much any disease in the world. they never would have guessed that, every single time she was standing in front of an hospital, her eyes would go blank, her face became whiter than bed sheets and, if nobody kept her from doing such a thing, she would most likely be throwing up in the nearest trashcan for the next five minutes. saying that delphine hated hospitals was an understatement. she was truly and deeply scared of them. if she ever was injured or sick enough to die of it, she probably would have preferred dying instead of being carried to an hospital. then again, if she was unconscious, the decision would not really be hers. there were numerous things about hospitals that made delphine dislike them and be scared of them. after all, they were a symbol for the sick and the almost dead. it represented misery, pain and grief, for people who lost people there after they had been shot, stabbed, or victim of a sudden heart attack. the whole place represented, to her, only negative things. of course, there always was the births, which were supposed to be something happy. but then again, it seemed that there were more complications with today’s medicine than there had been before, when woman had to give birth naturally to their children. good mothers were dying and children had birth defects because of their mothers behaviour. in her eyes, all those were paying the price of something stupid that someone, somewhere, had not been able to do correctly. and then again, even if nothing went wrong when a woman would give birth to her child, someone else, somewhere else in the world would die. it was a vicious cycle. however, all of those were not the main reasons delphine hated and was scared of hospitals with all of her heart. the main reason why this young woman hated hospitals over absolutely everything that existed in this world was because of the long time she had spent there when she had been only a baby. when she was around ten years old and able to understand such things, her father had decided it was time for her to know about what had happened to her mother. while her mother had been pregnant with the girl, she had been one of the greatest mothers her father had ever seen, according to him. she had resisted any kind of temptation, with a little bit of his help, of course. she had managed to stay away from anything that would have caused any kind of harm to their child since having a kid was what she considered to be the biggest accomplishment possible in a woman’s life. however, her dream was broken once she realized her only child was threatened by death. her father explained to delphine how her mother had gotten slowly but surely addicted to the attention she had been getting while the girl had still been in the hospital a few months after her mother had given birth to her and had, herself, left the building. she got addicted to it so much, in fact, that when it stopped, she wanted to have it back by any means possible. and it ended up in her poisoning her only child and making her go back to the hospital whenever she got sick because of it. whenever she saw an hospital, it only reminded delphine of what her mother had done to her and the look in her father’s eyes when he had told her about all of it. after having a child of her own, she did not understand at all how her mother could have down that to her. she never could have seen herself hurting daniella, even if her little baby was not in this world anymore. she would have done anything to protect her dead child, even if it meant losing her own life. how could her mother not have cared that much about her own daughter? it was truly beyond her comprehension. so as she stopped in front of the city’s hospital the tour she was on with her band, neon lover, she could not help but close her eyes and turn her head away. she brought a hand up slowly to her chest, pressing it against her heart, or well, where it was under the layers of skin, muscle and thoracic cage. she felt it beating faster and faster by the second and tried to calm it down by breathing slowly, talking long and deep breaths. however, it did not seem to work. she refused to let herself think about this, think about how much her mother had hurt her, had destroyed her when she was only a small, defenseless child. her father had asked delphine if she wanted to come visit her mother with him. however, she had always refused. she had never really wanted to see her mother again ever since she had been told what the woman had done. she knew it was not entirely her fault. she knew that she had been fragile, just like her child and that she had not known how to ask for help except from using her child to get it, but delphine still did not feel like she was able to forgive her. thinking about all of this definitely was not helping with calming herself down and so she had to sit down on a nearby bench in front of the oh so greatly hated hospital. the young woman refused to look up whenever someone would ask her if she was alright. she refused to see that building once more. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - credit , to me  tagged , mister harrison james banner, aka aubrey. music , everything on my comp. outfit , clickers, bby.words , ONE OH THREE FOUR. notes , lololol, a whole post about hospitals, have fun.
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Post by aub on Dec 22, 2011 0:42:28 GMT
Obtaining an injury on tour is barely a rare thing to occur, especially for Harrison Banner, whose behaviour on stage had become his only real outlet. The majority of the bands partied hard, drank too much, and did stupid things but Harrison couldn’t drink. He could party all he wanted but there was only a certain amount of things that he could whilst sober; true, it didn’t prevent him from putting a traffic cone on his head and wearing it as a hat, but it did prevent him from falling into a heap of people with vomit on their faces and saying stupid things that only drunk people would say. He was able to control himself and conduct himself in an appropriate manner, even if slightly stiff in comparison with the party lot, but there was only so much his inhibitions would allow him to do. And then he’d get on stage, adrenaline would kick in like a drug, pouring around his veins as though he’d injected himself with the biggest buzz he could get his hands on. The best thing about stage was that no matter how much he jumped about, no matter how many strings snapped or how many injuries he would come out with, it would only ever be himself that was injured or at risk. He had complete control of his actions, even in his moments of psychotic rage with his guitar. Stage was the only therapy, the only victory there was. He and his band were cemented into one, nothing mattered from that moment on. The sound of music, the screams from the crowds, watching their tiny faces sing back the words of their songs, it made everything disappear, and for a set he was in complete bliss; his life was perfect, if only for that hour slot. Thus, the hospital had become a sort of second home for the brunette, who was always in and out with broken, fractured and sprained bones, wrists, legs and feet. It wasn’t that he was the type of wimp who went to the hospital all the time for the smallest of things, but if it really hurt him he went to get it checked out. It was a policy of his because he didn’t want to miss any of the tour. The tour distracted him from his life. He was never meant to survive this far. It was a miracle he had. He’d taken only one life, perhaps it was in place of his own. He knew he should be dead by now. His parents didn’t want him, and his life in the children’s home had never been exactly sparkling, he’d never had foster parents at least. His guitar was all he had, and no injury could put him out, he wouldn’t allow it.
Waiting and treatment had took approximately three hours, he had a bandage around his fractured wrist and the satisfaction in knowing that it wouldn’t take too long to heal, if he relaxed. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get around it because he had to play guitar, but he’d figure out. Harrison liked to think of himself as tough, in some respects, he could deal with pain because he could ignore it. The hospital had that really awkward scent about it, of antiseptic, or something like that. Harrison had always been intrigued with hospitals and patients within them. He would have liked to be a doctor, if he’d not dropped out of high school when Della got pregnant. Having the ability to chose who lived and who died, it was like God, an amazing ability that he would probably be far too tempted by. Naturally Harrison had already played the role of God in choosing to drive when drunk, in choosing not to put his daughter in the car properly, in choosing to risk her life. But he didn’t like to think of that. In fact that memory was a blocked one. When he started thinking of Dani, he knew he needed to do something to distract himself. This was usually in the form of intercourse with the nearest person in proximity, whether it be Logan, a complete stranger or his worst enemy, he wasn’t picky, as long as somebody could distract him from the torture that little girl’s memory brought him.
As the brunette walked outside, a gust of wind blew back his hair although he barely seemed to notice it; it may as well have been a slight breeze for all he cared. Why was this? Surely Harrison was usually more observant! Only, an ex girlfriend had stolen any observational skills he’d ever possessed. A bus could probably come and knock him over and he’d only notice it when he was on the ground. It was like his entire body had frozen, his stomach breaking into involuntary shivers as dark moths exploded with him, flapping their wings as if trying to get out. The last time he’d seen her he’d been picking up their daughter for a ‘quiet’ night in. The last time he’d spoken her she’d told him to die, to burn, she said she’d hated him. He could probably get away if he moved quickly, instead of just standing there, watching her, his mouth slightly ajar as his brows creased, casting shadows on his eyes. If he felt nothing for her, he would run as fast as he could. But the moths were not alone in the pit of his stomach, they were surrounded by light butterflies, and his heart was heavy with guilt, with regret. He couldn’t apologise, but he knew he should. Apologising would be owning up to the guilt, the responsibility, of his little girl’s death, and he was unable to do that just yet. He didn’t know what to do, yet his legs, tight in a pair of black skinny jeans, seemed to have a mind of their own. Within moments he found himself on the bench next to her, biting nervously upon his lower lip. He was reminded of all of the many times he’d run away from her. She had this ability to control him, to bring out the best and the worst of him, to affect him like nobody else could, and that terrified him. If somebody could have so much power on him, they must therefore be able to hurt him, like she’d hurt him when she said all of those things. ”Do you really want me to burn?” he asked, his voice somewhat hoarse as he took a seat next to her. Harrison hated feeling so vulnerable and yet there was no other possible feeling available to him when Della was in the equation.
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Post by annie on Dec 28, 2011 7:38:20 GMT
love was definitely a hard thing to figure out, even when you were twenty-two years old. imagine when you were fifteen. some say you can never forget about your first love because it’s the one that teaches you everything about the real life in the real world. because it’s the one that makes you see everything that exists out there and brings you out of your little shell, of your little nest you’ve built over your childhood years. it’s the one that makes you realise that the world has much more to offer than just that. and that was exactly what harry had done for her. delphine had been this perfect little girl, the one who would always get a’s everywhere and the one which teachers, parents, principals, and all those other important people absolutely loved. she was the child every parent would have loved to have, she was the student every teacher would have loved to have in their class, every principal would have loved to have in their school. however, after she turned fifteen, once she entered high school, this all changed. in her life so far, delphine had always been protected by her father from the outside world which meant anything and everything that could have possibly harmed her in any way at all. she had not been taught what was good and what was bad for her. of course, as any other child, she had learned the difference between good and evil. however, when most teenager knew that drugs and alcohol and all those bad things would eventually get in their way and that they would have to make a choice about them, delphine did not. it would only take the wrong gang of friends and she would go down soon enough. she did get involved with the wrong crowd right at the start. she was truly loveable and so it was easy for her to make friends, any kind of friends. she met him at a party she had been forcefully dragged to so her brand new friends could teach her the ways of life. it was a cozy, little party. you know, those parties teenagers throw when their parents are out of town for the weekend and they think they’re being badass by inviting a few of their friends over and drinking from their parents’ storage. before she knew it, she had a boyfriend who was older than her. she had not been prepared for this. however, no matter how many times her father tried to warn her, she would not listen to him. she thought she was in love and was not ready to let go of that impression. she was high on the feeling she was getting out of this. she was addicted just like a heroin addict would have been. she was unable to separate herself from this. she became a completely different person. even her father could not recognise her anymore. to be honest, when she looked at herself in the mirror, a part of her, the part of her which was not proud of what she had become, was ashamed and only wanted to look away. it became worse when she got pregnant. it could only have happened to her, of course, getting pregnant after the first time you have sex. she was lost, completely. she had no idea what to do and, to add to all of this, the boy she thought was the love of her life left. when she thought they had had something, that they had some kind of connection, he made sure to make her remember that they did not. however, there was no way that she was getting rid of the child she had conceived with him. even though it remembered her of all the pain he had put her through, she did not want to kill it. her father obviously did not want this for her, but he respected her choice and even took all the criticism people threw his way. when harrison came back in the picture, it was too much for her. she could not hold back all the pain she had accumulated over the two years she had not seen him, over the two years she had seen their daughter grow up, but she had not seen him. she had not been able to get over the feelings she had for him. and even after he had killed their daughter in a drunken accident, she still could not get over the fact that she loved him and still did to this day. yes, it was completely stupid. she was well aware of that. it was completely idiotic and foolish to love such a man, to love a man who could not take his responsabilities and assume his actions. but she loved him nonetheless. the internet definitely was a place with no feelings. no emotions could shine through the words you wrote on there, unless you were truly amazing at using smilies which was an art delphine did not yet master completely. however, she thought she had made herself very clear as to how she felt towards harry when she had chatted with him. she, however, regretted every single word she had typed just as she had left the chatroom. her fingers had been burning, her head had been spinning and all she could think about was how bad she could have hurt him. the thing was that, after five years of not seeing him or talking to him, after everything he had put her through, delphine still loved him. she had fallen madly in love with him, head over heels, seven years ago and she, for some reason, was unable to get rid of those feelings. it was truly annoying, to be honest, for her. but it was just how she felt and there was no helping that.. was it? no. she truly wished she could have changed everything she felt, but she could not. it was stuck in her mind. somehow the good moments always overcame the bad, no matter how hard she tried to remember of the pain to try and finally be able to let go. delphine did not want him to burn in hell. she did not want him to die either. in fact, she truly wished that he would keep on living so she could keep thinking that she would one day have a chance to be with him once again. everything that she had said had been said out of the emotion she felt at the moment which had been the most violent type of anger. she had not been able to restrain her words, to be honest, and regretted it. she would have done everything to take it all back, but it was too late. she would most likely never have a real chance to truly apologize to him. with everything that he had done, people would have thought that it would have been harrison’s job to apologize to delphine for everything that he had put her through. the thing was that she really knew him. she knew where he came from and who he was. she probably was one of the few people in the world that could seriously say that they knew who he was and that was why she felt the need to apologize to him. she knew better than anyone, better than himself even that he regretted daniella’s death. she knew that he had loved her, even if it had taken him to years to realise that he had to let the little girl play a part in his life. and she could not hate him for that, could she? she quickly ran her fingers underneath her eyes and that was when she heard his voice coming from next to her. her heart skipped a beat out of the nervousness she suddenly felt and she looked up, her eyes searching for the quickest way to escape this nightmare. however, delphine felt that, if she tried to stand up, she would stumble over her own foot and fall flat on her face. so, for the moment, she decided to stay put. i.. i-i d-don’t.. she said. it was all she could manage to stutter at the moment. the shock of his presence was still somewhat overwhelming her. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - credit , to me tagged , mister harrison james banner, aka aubreyyy. music , everything on my comp. outfit , clickers, bby.words , ONE THREE EIGHT EIGHT. notes , omg so depressing D:
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